When i first stepped out of DFW and hugged my best friend...teddy said to me..."you can deal with everything here is in USA but not loneliness ..." and i mumbled an unsteady "hmmm...."....just within a week's time when i was at his place...perhaps the safest and closest place to home in Dallas...i was hit by a sudden, sharp pang of loneliness and i began to cry...i didn't know why i felt lonely even when i was surrounded by so many people...and again he came up to me and said..."this is what will trouble you...this unanswered "why" "....dis time i precisely understood what he meant...!
There is this line in Fountainhead...when Toohey says "Every loneliness is a pinnacle"...something that i strongly believed but never felt...now in America i realise that certainly this loneliness is a pinnacle in my life...it is a scale indicating the things that i have left behind to achieve or pursue a distinct ambition....it is a calibaration of my strength and independence...i know that i am lonely and more still that i can handle it...
today as i sit in the corner of my room...and look at the world from here...i am amused. All my roommates are away partying elsewhere...and i sit here and pen this blog...this loneliness is self-inflicted...and yet i do not feel victimised...i do not feel troubled by the silence or absence of a banter...i infer that a despair and distressed feeling of loneliness arises when you feel you are being left out...here i have left my home country...i guess that is why i can welcome this feeling in my life...
this place...America...is meant to be quiet and lonely...if you are not one...it makes you one...
p.s.: Teddy...i have now understood what you said :) :)...but i am not sad!
1 comment:
The loneliness is a initial phase..its natural because you are suddenly moved from a secure known environment to a unknown one..
It is good that Rithik had warned you about it..You can actually prepare yourself for this..Instead of feeling sorry, you can look at this as a oppurtunity to expand ur horizons..you can do new things..
You would have so many facilities at hand there..Enjoy this experience..Its a huge learning phase of your life..
Enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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